


Such A Shame

by ladyxdaydream



Category: Naruto
Genre: Humor, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 21:50:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19364659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyxdaydream/pseuds/ladyxdaydream
Summary: Kotetsu & Izumo had been pestering Iruka to go out on a date for what seemed like forever.This wasn’t exactly Iruka’s preferred way of finding a potential candidate.





	Such A Shame

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MagnusTesla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagnusTesla/gifts).



> Written for a prompt on tumblr. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“Loosen up,” Izumo said, attempting to rub the tension out of Iruka’s shoulders. “This is supposed to be fun.” 

“I’m only going because I lost that bet,” Iruka said, kicking up some dust as he shrugged out of Izumo’s grip. It hadn’t rained in Konoha for weeks, leaving everything—from skin to dirt roads—cracked and parched; sometimes Iruka felt the grit in his  _teeth._ “And I only lost because I was drunk.”

”Yeah, yeah. You’ve reminded us a hundred times,” Kotestu said. “It’ll be good for you to get out there.”

Iruka gave him an annoyed glare.

”I’m perfectly happy with my love life.”

”You mean your lack of one?” Izumo teased, smirking at him.

”Exactly,” Iruka said, unashamed. 

“You’re going to end up old and alone if you’re not careful,” Kotestu warned. 

“I’m not alone. I have my kids. And the both of you.” 

“But don’t you want to go home at the end of a long day, and curl up with someone special?” Kotetsu asked, giving Izumo a lovesick look, all but batting his eyelashes at him. 

“I guess. If I met the right person, sure. But I don’t like the idea that finding a mate and settling down is the purpose of life—,”

”—it’s not. For a Shinobi.” 

“You know what I mean,” Iruka said, slapping at Izumo. “There’s nothing wrong with being alone.”

”Iruka, that type of rhetoric is not going to help you get laid tonight. Don’t say that, please,” Izumo said, slinging an arm over Iruka’s shoulders. 

“Whatever. I don’t know why you two are even going,” Iruka replied. 

“We wanted to spice things up, search for a third, unless”—Izumo pulled Iruka closer to speak into his ear—“you’re interested, then we can skip this thing entirely. Kill two birds with one kunai.”

”Oh my _god,”_ Iruka groaned, pushing his face away, removing himself from his embrace entirely. “How about we kill no birds, with no kunai, and still skip this thing entirely.” 

“You’re sexy, Sensei,” Izumo shrugged, ignoring his proposition. “Accept it. People will be tripping over themselves to get to you, you’ll see.” 

 

—

 

They made it to their destination a few minutes later, _Yakiniku_ _Q_ , and Iruka tried to hide his embarrassment as he filed his way past families enjoying their dinner (praying none of them were his students), and out the back door. They’d recently built a new addition—an outdoor seating area—and the only way to get to it, was through the restaurant itself. There had been posters up for weeks, announcing tonight’s event, so it would be obvious to anyone why they were here. 

Not having seen it since it was built, Iruka was pleasantly surprised. It was spacious, yet quaint, and aesthetically pleasing. Red paper lanterns hung from crisscrossing strings above the patio, basking the night in a warm glow. A large bamboo fountain trickled in the corner. A fully stocked bar sat to his right. 

The small tables that would usually occupy the center of the space, had been moved into a circle around the perimeter, with two chairs positioned across from each other. 

Iruka randomly picked a chair and sat down, motioning the bartender to him, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. When his drink arrived, he took a long gulp, and braved himself for what he came here for: 

 

 _Speed_ _dating_.

 

—

 

Iruka placed his elbows on the table, rubbing at his temples. Hana Inuzuka has just talked his ear off about her ninken triplets. Not the he had minded, really. It saved him from having to create small talk. 

 _At_ _least_ _it_ _was_ _better_ _than_ _Genma_ , Iruka thought, taking a large sip of his shochu. He spent the better part of ten minutes thwarting aggressive innuendos. He hadn’t expected the man to come onto him that hard. 

He glanced in Genma’s general direction, having rotated three chairs down already, only to find him staring directly back at him, provocatively chewing on his senbon. 

 _Dear_ _lord_ , Iruka thought, blushing profusely, gluing his eyes to the table. 

So far, the easiest one had been Ebisu. They mostly talked about teaching and training kids, and how much they liked it. Ebisu must have thought it went well, because he asked Iruka out, just like everyone else, but Iruka declined them all.

He just... didn’t feel that spark.  

“Excellent! I’ve been waiting to get to this chair all night! You look wonderful, Iruka-sensei! In the prime of your youth!” 

 _Really?_ _Gai_ , _too?_ Iruka thought, as he downed the rest of his drink, mentally preparing (or dulling) himself for the next ten minutes. 

“You’re exceptionally handsome! Great with children. Occasionally burst into fits of fiery passion! Loyal. Accepting! You’re perfect! Absolutely divine!” 

“Uh, wow, Gai. Thank you,” Iruka said, rubbing at his nose, feeling incredibly uncomfortable in the face of such flattery. 

“I wouldn’t want anything less for my eternal rival!” 

“... _Excuse_ _me?”_

”Why, Kakashi-san! I’m here on his behalf.”

Iruka’s skin lit on fire. 

So much for sparks. He skipped the flint and went straight for gasoline. 

“You’re here...on Kakashi-san’s... behalf?”

”Correct! Pretending to scope out potential partners! But it’s just a show! A farce! I’m here for you! He’s taken an interest.” 

Iruka’s face turned beet red. This _had_ to be a joke. He hadn’t had a civil conversation with Kakashi that had lasted for more than five minutes. It always somehow ended with Iruka yelling at him. The man was just so...  clueless. 

Irritating.

Mysterious...

...Alluring.

and _maybe_ he’d been housing a crush on him for the better part of two years, but never expressed it because the jounin was so far out of his league. 

“And you’re so lovely when you blush! Just at the mention of his name! It must be mutual! Fated!” 

But if this _wasn’t_ a joke... 

Regardless. 

“Well, you can tell your _eternal_ _rival_ I’m not interested.” 

Iruka was not interested in men who had other people do their work for them. If Kakashi didn’t have the guts to ask Iruka out himself, then, well, frankly, that was unattractive. 

“OH! Such a shame! I cannot tell him that. It will break the poor man’s heart! Surely, if you saw him as I do, you’d change your mind!” 

Break his heart? Come on. Iruka knew Gai was overdramatic about most things, this had to be one of them. Iruka highly doubted a man like Hatake Kakashi had trouble getting a date. 

The gong was hit, signaling it was time to switch chairs, but Gai refused to move. 

“Beat it, Gai. Iruka’s the hottest one here, quit hogging him,” Anko said. 

Gai didn’t budge. 

“I need more time!” Gai said, rather boisterously, causing several people to stare. 

“Not my problem. Ten minutes is all you get, man. That’s how it works. Now shove off.” 

“Ten minutes is not enough time to finish with Iruka-sensei! I came for him!” Gai said, looking crestfallen, completely oblivious to how that sounded. 

Iruka slinked down in his chair, highly embarrassed. 

“Already? Where’s that stamina you’re always boasting about?” Genma teased, clapping Gai on the shoulder. “Although Iruka is rather... _delicious_ ,” he said, staring straight at him, working that senbon again. 

Iruka quickly moved his eyes elsewhere, landing on Ko and Izumo, who gave him a thumbs up from across the room. He couldn’t believe how right they had been. It seemed people really _were_ interested in him—but more as a piece of meat, apparently, and not an actual date, which saddened Iruka a little. 

“I swear, if you don’t move, you’ll pay for it later,” Anko threatened. 

“I’m always up for a friendly challenge!” Gai said, flashing her a grin. 

Anko rolled her eyes, disgruntled, and walked away, leaving Iruka feeling oddly grateful. 

“Now! What was I saying? _Oh!_ Kakashi-san is the perfect bachelor for you, Iruka-sensei! He’s heralded as a genius! Rather good looking, or so they say. Physically fit! Charming! As elegant as a water dancer! Likes to read..” 

On second thought, maybe Anko would have been better. 

...Were Iruka and Gai talking about the same person...?

”How about lazy? Arrogant? Touts perverted literature in public? Perpetually late?” Iruka supplied, unimpressed. 

Seriously. What kind of man sends someone else to speak praises on his behalf?

”Quirks! Eccentricities! You’ll learn to love them!”

”I don’t think so, Gai-san. You can tell Kakashi-san you gave it your best effort,”  Iruka said, scooting back his chair, and taking his leave. He’d had enough of this. He was starting to feel humiliated. 

“But he doesn’t know I’m here!” Gai yelled at his back, but Iruka was already too far gone to hear.

 

—

 

“Yo sensei,” Kakashi said, from his post against the wall. “Meet anyone special?” 

Kakashi _may_ have overheard the trio on their walk over here. He was definitely _not_ lingering in this particular spot until it was over to see if Iruka left with anyone. 

“Not really, no,” Iruka said, annoyed, walking past him without so much as a glance. 

How could Kakashi be acting so oblivious? It irritated the hell out of him. It was offensive. The least he could do was fess up about his little charade. 

Well, fine. If Kakashi wasn’t going to say anything, Iruka was. 

“You know, Kakashi-san,” Iruka started, turning around to face him. “I’ve... liked you for a while now, if you would have just asked me out on a date yourself, instead of sending someone in your— _hey!_ ” 

In three seconds flat, Kakashi had stored his book in his pouch and pinned Iruka to a wall in an alley around the corner. 

“Go on a date with me.” 

“ _Excuse_ _me?_ It’s too late now. You already ruined it by sending Gai.” 

“I didn’t send Gai. What are you taking about? Why would I do that?” Kakashi asked, looking highly offended. 

“I—I don’t know, you tell me,” Iruka faltered. 

He could tell Kakashi wasn’t lying. He really had no idea what the hell Iruka was talking about. 

 _Fuck_. 

It dawned on him all at once. Gai must have been acting on his own accord. Which meant...

 _Kakashi_ _actually_ _liked_ _him_. 

“Do you really think I’m not capable of going after what I want? The only reason I haven’t asked you out yet is because I didn’t want to pester you by trying, seeing as how everything I do seems to annoy you. I thought you hated me.” 

“I still might,” Iruka said, not too convincingly. 

“That little confession five seconds ago said otherwise.” 

Iruka blushed. 

“Go on a date with me.” Kakashi repeated.

”How about you make it less threatening by giving me some space, and phrasing it as a question.” Iruka said, hotly. 

Kakashi backed up immediately. 

“Will you go on a date with me?”

Iruka was floored by his willingness to obey—the seriousness in his voice. It was unwavering. It made Iruka nervous. 

“W-what kind of date?” Iruka asked, readjusting his flak jacket, not ready to give in yet. 

“Will that influence whether or not you say yes?” 

“Maybe.” 

Probably not. 

Definitely not. 

“Ok, well, we could get ramen. I know you like that. Or I could cook for you.” 

“You can cook?” Iruka blurted out, despite himself. 

“You’ll have to accept my date to find out.” 

Iruka opened his mouth to argue, only to realize he had nothing to argue about. 

“Just say yes.” 

Iruka glared at him.

”Will you say yes?” Kakashi re-phrased.

Iruka’s resolve crumbled. Why was he resisting so hard anyway? He’d only fantasized about this moment _a_ _million_ _times_ _before_ , and here he was, denying himself it. 

“...Yes,” he sighed, still not entirely believing this was happening. 

“Good. Tomorrow, then. 7 PM sharp. I’ll send Pakkun to show you the way.” 

“I’m sure he’ll enjoy that summon.” 

“He’ll do as I say. Oh...and Iruka. Don’t be late.” 

Iruka’s mouth fell open. Now he _definitely_ had something to argue about. 

“Oh, that’s rich! Coming from the man who’s late for everything!”

” _Hm_ ,” Kakashi hummed pleasantly. “Bickering already. This is going to be fun,” Kakashi said, giving him a wink, before disappearing in a puff of smoke. 

**Author's Note:**

> Ha! What do ya think?! 
> 
> Any comments/kudos/love are much appreciated!! 
> 
> （´・｀ ）♡
> 
> Feel free to send me your own prompts here, or through my [tumblr](https://ladyxxdaydream.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Edit: you guys!! I’m never writing fic on my phone again *cries* I’m so embarrassed by all the typos?!? Stupid autocorrect!! It should be fixed, now.


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